Human Connection

Contemplating Connection In The Age Of COVID

This COVID timeline resulted in the clearing of some very dense energy blockages in my heart chakra region.  And now my ability to feel "disconnection" has been greatly magnified.  While it was optional before, I can no longer live and function without genuine human connection, and still be happy.  I find that I feel alone without it.

This week I attended a Meetup.com hike in Phoenix.   It was my second interaction with live human beings that weren't wearing masks in many months.  I used to attend these events and honestly, I was there for the activity.  Connecting with people wasn't required.  Now my spirit guides' rules for human connection were constantly circulating in my mind...honesty, vulnerability, shared experience. Connection First.  That's my new motto.

I walked up to one guy.  He was super friendly and filled with endless facts about the area but I could sense he struggled with vulnerability.  I shared things about myself.  He shared facts that one could Google on the Internet.  There was another guy with a million dollar smile.  But energetically it felt like he was surrounded by an impenetrable force field that would deflect any and all personal questions.  We struggled to hold a conversation. 

I met a lady who was super friendly and talkative and loved to laugh.  I asked her if she had been to this place before.  She said she never knew it existed.  I assumed she was new to town but she said she'd been here for a year and a half but was so busy getting settled she never had time to get out or meet people.  I sensed she wasn't telling the truth.  I'm sure she had her reasons, but energetically I felt the disconnect between us after that.

I overheard a lady expressing how nervous she felt about completing the hike because of her weight and I thought finally!  Honesty and vulnerability!  But the more we talked, the more I realized it was non-stop self-expression. She wasn't interested in my experience at all -- only sharing hers. 

I stopped in the middle of the hike and had a silent conversation with my Guides.  "I didn't realize this would be so hard,” I said.

The group reached a lookout point and it was beautiful. We all sat together looking at the city lights.  Is this a shared experience I silently asked my Guides?  No, they said.  I realized at that moment, that I had no idea what people were thinking or feeling about this experience.  I was feeling romantic and had images of wine bottles, grapes, and picnic baskets floating through my head.  We were all together experiencing this beautiful moment and yet we were so far apart. 

The first guy that I met who shared non-stop facts, shared a story about his son.  The conversation moved onto something else, but I paused and asked him more about his son.  He then revealed a single piece of information about himself.  God, I thought.  It's been an hour and a half.  Should I have to work this hard to connect with another human being? 

In one of my recent channeled messages, it stated that things like kindness, support, proximity, and politeness are often mistaken for human connection.  I experienced all those things during the meetup, but still found myself thirsty for connection. I wonder if anybody else felt the same way….

Maybe I’m overthinking it, but I can't imagine that anyone could go through this COVID timeline...being at home...isolated from the rest of the world with little to no human contact for months or years, and not contemplate what it means to connect with another human being... 

Are You a People Collector?

My latest Ascension lesson: If you want to connect, your intention can't be to collect.

Are you a people collector? (https://www.pinterest.com/pin/465418942715273598/)

Sounds super creepy doesn't it?

It's easier if you think of it as a kid who has a bunch of dolls.  And then goes to the store and asks his mom for a new toy.  And she responds by saying: you should play with the ones you already have...

Do you look for new online friends instead of getting to know the ones you already have?

No judgement here.

I used to be a people collector too.

Our deepest desire is to connect but there's so many things that get in the way and cause us to do strange and weird things like collect people when what we really want to do is connect with them.  In addition to vulnerability, honesty, and shared experience, my Spirit Guides gave me a fourth rule for human connection: I don't need or want anything from you other than connection. 

They actually mentioned this awhile ago...but I kind of glossed over it, because if I had thought about it too deeply, I would have had to discontinue my practice of collecting people, which was basically impossible.

Let me explain...

I started collecting people when I was a member of a spiritual community called Art of Living.  The techniques I learned transformed my life and so I wanted everyone I knew to try them.  It started off innocently with word of mouth but I wanted to reach more people.  I wanted to help them. If I’m being honest with myself, I wanted to save them. 

And so I started volunteering for the organization and everyone I met became a potential prospect.  Someone I could sign up for the course.  If they weren't interested now, I could sign them up later.  Once they got to know me, they'd see the benefits of the course and what breathing and meditation has done for my life.  I could change the world one person at a time.

Then my health issues started.  I was able to heal and reverse all my symptoms by detoxing.  I wanted everyone to know they could heal themselves too.  What a beautiful purpose to have in life!  I trained with my mentor and started looking for clients.  I wasn't conscious of it at the time, but I started looking at everyone as a potential client...someone who might need my services in the future, you know, once they got to know me.

Pause

For years, I thought I was connecting with people but I wasn't consciously aware that I was collecting people until recently — when someone tried to collect me. 

When I started posting my channeled messages on Facebook, I suddenly received a large number of FB friend requests.  I sent them all a reply saying I'd love to connect with them first before accepting their request.  One lady replied and said "I'm a spiritual coach/reiki master...I have hundreds of friends that I accepted only because I one day hope they may need or want a service I may provide.". Another woman said nevermind, that's ok, "I just wanted more access to your posts." A third woman sent me a follow up message in addition to the friend request.  I thought now she must be interested in connecting with me!  I checked out her profile and the only posts she had public were of a show she produced.  I sent her a reply...but then never heard back.

I felt icky. I felt mildly horrified. I felt disappointed, like when you find out the guy you're dating who is husband material, is actually only interested in sleeping with you.  I'm not completely naive.  I know not everyone "really" wants to be my friend on Facebook.  But I didn't care before.  Now that I actually want to connect with people, it all just makes me feel a little sad.

Pause

Once I became aware of how I was treating others...collecting them, but never taking the time to get to know anything about them... I realized I couldn't stop.  I needed them to fulfill my life purpose! I needed them for my financial survival!

I don't need or want anything from you other than connection. 

Dear Spirit Guides...help me.  You have suggested a rule that I can't possibly follow.  How can I want nothing from them, when I need clients and I want to make money doing what I love?  How can I want nothing from them when I know I have knowledge that could possibly change or save their life?  Isn't human connection still possible as long as I have good intentions?  No, they said.  The moment they realize you want something from them..the moment they realize they've been collected...there's an invisible disconnect between your energy fields.

What I’ve learned is that my ability to connect with another person depends on whether I can see them as a human being or as a means to an end.  However, I believe most people are not self-aware or honest enough with themselves to truly see when they're engaging with someone as a means to an end.  It's all masquerading as some innocent or noble intention.

"I want nothing from you."  In order to be able to truly say that to another human being, what would you have to change? 

COVID Love

Dear beautiful human being, how do I learn to love you?

When you look different than me

When we don't agree

When you think differently

I want safety.

 

To love you up close

Would trigger all my wounds

Is love supposed to equal pain?

Should I learn to love pain?

Is it enough to love you at a distance?

I’ve never wanted anything more.

Then to have someone stand close to me.

I understand now.

Love requires healing.

Without my wounds…

Without my pain…

Without my triggers…

I can finally be close to you.

I can finally see you.

God, you're beautiful.

So worthy of love.